Guardians of Grail

cheapbag214s · Posted: Wed 14:04, 04 Sep 2013 Post subject: What I Learned When I was Single

What I Learned When I was Single
When I was twenty-four years old, I became a divorced woman. I had been married for four and a half years and in relationship with this man/ boy since I was eighteen. Getting divorced rocked my world, turned it upside down, pulled the rug out from under me, and knocked me on my tushy. All the old clich applied. At the time, I was a middle school English teacher and I remember the head of the music department saying to me,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], at you Ilene. You pretty and smart. You be remarried in two years. Fifteen years,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and many lessons later, I met my second and forever husband.
Here what I learned in those fifteen years,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
Give yourself permission to grieve: Ending a relationship, particularly a marriage,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], is life altering. It changes your perception of yourself and your place in the world. Do whatever you need to do to calm and soothe yourself (safely,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], please). At the time, I thought that talking about my divorce was a sign of weakness (Can you believe I became a therapist?) and as a result my grief process took longer. Talk, talk,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], talk to empathetic friends, family, and maybe to a counselor.
Take good care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and spiritually: The same principles of self-care apply whether we single, divorced, or partnered. It still amazes me how my view of the world completely changes with a good night sleep,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], healthy food in my belly, and coffee or lunch with a dear friend. I know this is challenging when we in pain but so necessary to avoid isolation and depression. And the midst of emotional upheaval, it helps to look out at the lake or the mountains and appreciate the beauty in the world.
Learn to love yourself and others: For twelve years of my single life,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I lived with big,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], beautiful Sammy my teacher, my guide, my dog. Sammy opened my heart and taught me how to love again. Find a way to open yourself. A dog works miracles. So do children,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], gardens,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and good friends.
Don expect someone else to complete your life: Fill your own holes from the inside out. Be your own gardener. Dream your own dreams,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. I made the mistake of thinking that the perfect (or not so perfect) partner would make me feel whole and special,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. I had to learn to be more own perfect partner or close to it!
Build a life worth living: Endings are exquisitely painful. And after the initial shock, they give us an opportunity to take another look at ourselves, and how our lives have taken shape. Some of us reinvent ourselves. I did, by changing careers, going back to school,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], buying a condo by myself. Go within. Is there a seed of a dream that needs nurturing? Now might be the time. It was at the moment I could honestly say, like my life and I am happy that I met my husband (walking my dog, by the way).
Don settle for less than you deserve: You are special! You have gifts and talents that the world needs. Please don let anything or anyone (including yourself) make you feel than The next person who enters your life should recognize your uniqueness, your spark, treat you accordingly, and feel blessed by your presence.
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