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After the divorce is over, the kids custody arrangements can still be the source of emotional insecurities. Even parents who have good communication between themselves have difficult situations to confront. This becomes especially clear when a new [url=http://www.bankonco.com/hollister.php]hollister france[/url] adult enters the ex's life.
Too often, the new lover is well aware that he is a replacement for the ex. Consequently, he is defensive and territorial about his place in his lover's life. He is likely to insert himself in the lover's interaction with her ex, and add to what is already a tense parenting relationship.
When this happens, several things can follow. The kids sense that the significant other has created a wedge between the parents, and can maximize their power. They can make false reports about the new adult to win the sympathy of their other parent, making the relationship with the ex and the new person harder to negotiate.
The child can forge an alliance with the new person, and leave his other parent out in the cold. After all, the new significant other is trying to endear herself to her lover's kids, and might be presenting herself as a more understanding and liberal authority. Teenagers are especially vulnerable to such blandishments, as they often already feel tied down and misunderstood.
Thus, it is important that the parents, and their new friends and lovers take care to understand the dynamics of their situation, and work together to keep the adults in control. These tips should help.
1. All of the adults must demand to be treated [url=http://www.sandvikfw.net/shopuk.php]hollister sale[/url] with courtesy and respect. Children should understand that bad manners are unacceptable, no matter how they feel towards the adult in question. This is not an invitation to physical violence on the adult's part. However, stern reminders and firm consequences should result when the child is rude, mean or to use the common phrase, "snotty". The child may not like being forced to [url=http://www.achbanker.com/home.php]hollister france[/url] be polite, but if the message is consistent, and the rewards for courtesy are greater than those for bad behavior, he will eventually accept the rules and be comfortable abiding by them.
2. The adults should enforce the child's obligation to be courteous to each other, no matter how they actually feel. You may not like your partner's new honey, and she may wish you'd get hit by a truck. However, [url=http://www.mansmanifesto.com]doudoune moncler homme[/url] using [url=http://www.rtnagel.com/airjordan.php]nike air jordan pas cher[/url] your kids to make this point is just cruel and stupid. It is never good for a child to feel unwelcome in his parent's home.
If your son or daughter visits his other parent with the idea that he is being disloyal to you by being kind to the lover of the other, he will be under a lot of stress, and will not be as able to maintain a positive bond with the other parent. His visits will be viewed as necessary but dreadful [url=http://www.1855sacramento.com/peuterey.php]giubbotti peuterey[/url] interludes instead of the joyful, healthy occasions and times to share that they should be. It may be hard to keep your real feelings about your ex's lover to yourself, but your child should feel that it is all right to get to know the new person, and be comfortable making friends with him.
3. The significant other should not be in charge of the child's discipline. If the child is rude or unkind to the [url=http://www.davidhabchy.com]barbour sale[/url] new partner or her family, she has every right to put the child in his place. However, if the issue has to do with the child's schooling, [url=http://www.materialistanyces.com]louboutin[/url] friendships, or failure to meet his responsibilities either in the home or out of it, his correction is best left to his parent. The parent and the lover should discuss their expectations privately, and the parent should enforce the rules decided upon. The new partner is not obliged to raise the child, and there won't be nearly as much tension if he is not thrust in the position of having to take a parental role.
If the adults handle the situation in a mature and responsible manner, the family dynamics will change when a new lover enters the picture, but the change does not have to be traumatic for the children. Kids must be free to develop their own relationships with adults, as long as [url=http://www.vivid-host.com/barbour.htm]www.vivid-host.com/barbour.htm[/url] their parents are there to protect them from being victims. They should be encouraged to take each person [url=http://www.materialistanyces.com]louboutin pas cher[/url] on her own merits, including the new lovers of parents the child would prefer to have to himself. He is more likely to be a welcome addition to the new adult's life if he is courteous, respectful and cooperative, than he will be if he acts suspicious and hostile. It may be tempting to encourage a child [url=http://www.rtnagel.com/airjordan.php]jordan pas cher[/url] to make the life of the ex who has hurt [url=http://www.eastscotinvest.co.uk/mulberry.html]mulberry outlet[/url] you help you pay her back by being difficult and unpleasant, but the child will suffer more than your spouse will if his attitude is bitter rather than open.
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